I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
