I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize