Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
