You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Someone signed my nipple.
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