susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
