He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
