My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
