My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
