so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i can't believe i had my finger in that
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
