I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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