Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
