this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
