batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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