someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
