Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize