Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
