How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
