This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
