1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
