there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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