Cold hands, warm shart.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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