Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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