People in love make me want to vomit
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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