everyone is single if you try hard enough
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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