Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He felt like a one man threesome
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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