no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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