oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
