I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
