Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize