a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
