I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
