nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
