What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
