your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
