i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize