mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You ate ashes out of my bong
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
