If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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