I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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