She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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