Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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