she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
