Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
