he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
