We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize