Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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