the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
