I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
