The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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