I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
