Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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