There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
