okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
