I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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