So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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