Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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