what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
