WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
