I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
