I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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