my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
pray to the hookup gods
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
