I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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