I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
