I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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