I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
