fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
