I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
