I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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