So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
