i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
