Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
