She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
