i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
