wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
