I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize