matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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