I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Alive.
So much puke
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
