A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Semen is not good for contacts.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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