Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
