you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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