I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love you.
Bad choice
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