I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
