A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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