just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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