Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
