Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Four minutes until I can fart!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
