I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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