watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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