Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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