So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
