I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
