i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
