I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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