its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
