I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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