In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
