Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
