I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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