What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
