that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
two words...techno handjob
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
