Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
